Happy Halloween!

I need me some chocolates!!!

A Classic

Three Witches

Round about the cauldron go;
In the poison’d entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights hast thirty one
Swelter’d venom sleeping got,
Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,
Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.


from Macbeth
- Will Shakespeare

Missing Piece

Have you ever felt like a part of you was missing? Like you're just waiting for that last piece of the jigsaw puzzle to descend, suddenly present itself and "voila!" everything becomes complete and lucid? I've felt like this for the last two years. I'm not sure how much longer it'll be this way. There were fleeting times when something took its place and filled the gap just enough to distract me or at the very least, sustain me for a while. It's like a game. I search and search for something and then I'm ok for the time being. Yet, all the while knowing that this has to resolve itself. That this hole has to mend and that nothing will really fit until the rest of me grows into and out of it. I keep hoping that this is soon. Because I'm tired, really tired. It's a constant anxious expelling of energy, all misdirected. Like shooting stars. I keep thinking misdirection is better than penting it up. I think soon, all my energy will be gone and I only hope that some kind of sage and peaceful acceptance replaces it.

Yesteryears

I'm reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. It's doing its job, transporting me to another world so that I can be throughly lost in it. I'm really tired of being in this one. Especially today.

I think I will read more. That's a good thing, right?

The novel is about a 14 year old girl; she narrates from heaven, having been murdered. It reminds me of when I was a girl...the little things that mattered. Like when my mom let me pick out my own outfit for school. Or having a younger sibling to play with and tickle. I miss my family. I miss living at home. But what I miss most is that feeling like there's a whole world to look forward to and explore. Like you knew you were going to be someone, like life offered you limitless choices. I don't mean to be depressing. But life today is not the same way. It's not full of hope and joy the way it is when you are young.

I'm really tired and I feel sick. I need some hot tea to cure my senses.

Halloween Yuck

I don't feel so great. I basically went out to Umbria last night and had a few too many drinks, threw up at the club, got kicked out and had to have someone else drive my car home. Apparently, when I kept saying - "no, I can't possibly have another, you don't know I'm a lightweight" people think I mean to say, "yes, please give me another shot...I'm just being polite!" So 2 shots and a mixed drink later, I was already blacking out on the couch and they were still trying to get me to dance. I was seriously begging for a time out. Anyways, as I was trying to make my way to the bathroom...I couldn't hold it in anymore and threw up in a corner. It was not a pleasant experience...I can't remember the last time I did that. I was profusely apologizing to my friend who I KNOW I got some vomit on. But she was being so gracious.

Anyways, I got home and it was THE BEST hot shower I've ever taken. Considering hiking through the rain storm, standing for 5 hours at the volunteer event, and then smelling of wretchedness...a well-deserved shower and bed was looking really good to me. Then of course, I couldn't sleep and kept drinking water for hours on end. I don't think I feel asleep till 8am. Whatever, I had fun. It was an interesting night to be out. Lots of doctors, SWAT team outfits, playboy bunnies, Flintstone characters, and an Asian Harry Potter were present. Umbria also had good music and I really haven't been clubbing in forever. I just gotta remember to offer up myself as the designated driver next time so that I can spare myself.

Pepper

I'm so sad right now. Lynn just called me to tell me that Pepper died. Mom and Dad are away with my Aunt visiting my Uncle in Maryland and Lynn was home by herself with Ian. They found her in the kitchen, not able to breathe and spitting blood. They put her in the cat carrier and couldn't get the car going and had to jumpt start it. By the time they started driving, she had passed away. Lynn's a mess and Mom must feel so guilty for being away. Mom really didn't want to go so she could be home with Pepper. I kept telling her that she should take Pepper to the doctor but she kept refusing, saying Pepper is too frail and that she gags when she picks her up. I finally convinced her to take Pepper to get checked up next week when my Aunt leaves. But now it's too late. I think Pepper only lasted as long as she did on Mom's TLC and as soon as she went away, she couldn't sustain herself anymore.

I hung up the phone with Lynn and didn't think I was that sad. But then I started crying as I thought of Pepper's former self, the healthy version of her we had for so many years. -- 14 to be exact. I looked up at the framed picture of her and Dusty on my bookcase and it just made me so sad. I remember when she was a baby and how she was such a pretty cat who liked to squeeze herself into boxes and on top of plastic bags, just sitting there all prim and proper. That was our Pepper. I regret not seeing her one last time. I think I didn't even say goodbye the last time I left Brooklyn. I should have gone down this weekend.

I called Mom to see how she was and all she said was, "don't be too sad," which only made me cry more. But of course, without her knowing. It's very strange...I never know how I'm going to react to something till it happens. I can't believe I won't ever see my Pepperbabe again.

Cakes and Weddings

Oh, I'm so full I can't go to sleep! =( (This is a commonplace occurence for me by the way.) I had a lavish meal at Dok Bua -- coconut chicken soup, duck choo chee, pineapple fried rice, chicken in tofu wrap, and Thai ice tea. Then we went to Finale's, the new one on Coolidge Corner. That place is just way overrated and expensive, I've decided. However, they did have this awesome pineapple upside down cake that was delectably coconuty and cakey. I think I would go back for that. Honestly, I'm so over that molten chocolate cake...there are so many other better versions of it at other restaurants.

Then I got home and was chatting it up with Kelly all night about the wedding she's a bridesmaid for this weekend. We made a pact that we would be present at each others' cake tasting tryouts. Then we talked about the kind of weddings we'd each like to have...albeit like 10 years from now. ;) I'm like, "dude, I'm going to have a case of bridesmaidzilla" cuz' she's so controlling with her high standards. I'm so like whatevers with things that I can't imagine worrying about shit like tea lights. (Apparently, Kelly's friend spent all afternoon polishing her tea light holder centerpieces for the banquet. Crazy.) I plan on taking a mini-vacation before the wedding AND post wedding in order to recover from the honeymoon. Laziness has its merits, I tell you. Although to be honest, if I truly loved my man, I would be happy marrying him wearing a paper bag in a bar amidst stained beer glasses. There's just something romantic about saying "screw it" to the whole thing. As long as there's a piece of chocolate wedding cake to look forward to afterwards, I'm all set. =)

Rain and Girls Don't Mix

Goodness, it looks so deceptively sunny outside. You really can't tell that a storm is brewing and heading our way. I really hope it doesn't ruin my plans. I'm supposed to go help out at a fundraising gala for the Asian Task Force tomorrow. It's a really great organization that helps Asian women in domestic violence situations. I've always wanted to do work with them ever since I saw flyers on the T and at the local clinic. So tomorrow, I'm doing the silent auction for them. I just found out that I have to stand for like 5 hours. Crap. That means comfy shoes for me. Well, really I would prefer to wear rain boots but that's not acceptable attire at the gala. Anyways, then there's a Halloween thing at Pure nightclub. I'm not sure how I'm going to dress for both and where I'm gonna park. Ugh! Oh well, I'm just gonna suck it up. When I said I'm not sure I'll make it to the club, my friend Charles was like, "yeah, I know how rain and girls don't mix!" ha. Well, that might be true -- but not this girl...well, at least not for tomorrow. =) I think perhaps tonight I'll just have a nice dinner and curl up with a good book.

Quote of the Day - 10.26.06

"You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."
"What mood is that?"
"Last minute panic."

- Calvin & Hobbes

Ms. Personality

I love psychological tests...

On the Agreeableness Dimension you are best described as:

TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

Words that describe you:

• Fair
• Considered
• Collaborative
• Responsive
• Sensible
• Diplomatic
• Contemplative
• Indulgent
• Rational

Openness Dimension:

SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT

Words that describe you:

• Accepting
• Flexible
• Educated
• Self-aware
• Middle-of-the-road
• Proper
• Distinctive
• Indecisive
• Adaptable

Emotional Stability:

SOMETIMES STEADY, SOMETIMES RESPONSIVE

Words that describe you:

• Adaptable
• Engaged
• Able to Cope
• Passionate
• Perceptive
• Flexible
• Receptive
• Aware
• Avid

Approach toward Obligations:

FOCUSED AND FLEXIBLE

Words that describe you:

• Casual
• Informal
• Compliant
• Reliable
• Organized
• Solid
• Dependable
• Uncommitted
• Genuine

Extraversion:

RESERVED

Words that describe you:

• Thoughtful
• Modest
• Reflective
• Private
• Introverted
• Careful
• Restrained
• Meditative

The Scent of Fall

Does fall have a scent? Most definitely. I stepped out for lunch and as I caught the first breeze, it struck me...this leafy autumn fragrance nestled in the brisk air. At once, I felt comforted that I was here. Strange. I was expecting to be greeted with cold cold air. I guess it's because it was one of those mornings when it's so hard to get up, you just want to drown in your heavy blanket and let the world pass you by.

Sometimes when I rise in the morning, I wish I could go outside and immediately be transported elsewhere. Perhaps a forest in my back yard so that I can take a walk in the woods daily. Really inhale the scent of the the trees and feel the branches crackling beneath my feet. Snuggled up in a thick fleece, the cold air against my face. I'd look up at the grey sky and be content.

Quote of the Day - 10.24.06

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

- William Shakespeare

MySpace

Have you ever had the experience of someone impinging on your personal space? It can be quite a subtle thing. One moment, you're totally comfortable with a person and the next, it's like..."dude, there's plenty of legroom here!" I had that experience this weekend. I guess when you're not on a crowded train or sitting at a packed table, it becomes ever so obvious. But apparently not to him. It was very annoying. Plus I do not enjoy someone staring at me the whole time when there's plenty of people around to socialize with. Ugh. Not that I don't enjoy attention but when it's the wrong kind of attention, it can be grating. Yet it was ever so subtle, the kind you really can't call out. Oh well whatever, it doesn't really matter.

Quote of the Day - 10.23.06

“Many things in life will catch your eye but few will catch your heart... pursue those.”

- Anon

Relics

Why is it that material objects always last longer than the relationships they remind us of? A grey eyeshadow I wore when I visited his mother, a wallet that refuses to disintegrate, mini coffee filters that I can't seem to finish. But you keep these things around because they are still functional, despite the memories attached to them. Or perhaps, because of? I don't know. Maybe it's time to clean house and relinquish these perfectly good things because despite their usefulness, they are but relics of the past. And why should I let them haunt me daily in the present? I suppose I had never really thought about it. Maybe I was waiting to make coffee with him again. But that's just a dream I have to let go of.

Quote of the Day - 10.20.06

"Weebles wobble but they never fall down."

-Cainer

Scaaaaarrrry!

Since it's almost Halloween and all...here's my scary zombie kitty! He looks possessed doin' his thang.

Quote of the Day - 10.19.06

"The loneliest women in the world aren't single. They are women who have married poorly."

- Dr. Neil Clark Warren

Project Runway Finale

Wow. I think everyone was watching the Project Runway season finale tonight. It was so awesome! I totally knew Jeffrey would win but I loved loved Uli's collection. I would wear every piece she had. Jeffrey's was much more fashion-forward and reminded me of Marc Jacobs. You really wouldn't want to wear every piece but you could appreciate the art in it. All I can say is, can you imagine designing and making your own clothes from start to finish? It's so amazing that these people have such a talent!

Ache

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but I meant to say
many things along the way
so this one's for you

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache for you?

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache/and I hope it's not too late
Have I told you I ache/Can I hold you and ache for you?

The time that it took writing words for my book
seems to have broken in half
The gate that I shut last time I got hurt
seems to have opened itself

Oh the world it's spinning now it's trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but I meant to say
many things along the way
so this one''s for you

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache for you?

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache/and I hope it's not too late
Have I told you I ache/Can I hold you and ache for you?

- James Carrington

This song moved me when I first heard it...it's so beautiful and simple.

Quote of the Day - 10.16.06

"Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold."

- Leo Tolstoy

The Fall of Friendster

The New York Times did a really interesting article & video (see link) about how MySpace edged out Friendster despite being an also-ran. Friendster lost its first-mover advantage in the social-networking movement and rejected a previous bid from Google. Apparently, Friendster suffered from hubris and said the offer was too low...only now, it's too late to recover.

Now, I know MySpace is huge but I don't have an account there. Perhaps I should look into it. Yet, it seems that the Asian community mostly uses Friendster. When I think of MySpace, I think of teeny-boppers.

Join Red

I love the new Join Red intitiative -- it's such a great cause. Every time you buy a red product - tees, razr, ipod, you are donating to support AIDS/HIV medication in Africa. I can't wait to buy a new Gap tee -- 50% of proceeds go to the cause.

The Departed

So tired. I must be getting on in my years. It was such a gorgeous day today. It got a bit nippy at night but brisk walking does a soul good. Z and I went to see The Departed. It was probably the most entertaining move I've seen this year. Really, better than the original Infernal Affairs. You gotta give it to the actors. I'm sorry, but Andy Lau is good but you can't compare him to a bunch of Oscar winners. The script was also engaging and the characterization, really true to the original but much improved.

I love how it's a Chinese adapted film AND it's got Boston flavor. There was one scene with Marky Mark, Martin Sheen, and Leo DiCaprio under the red line bridge and that's friggin' North Quincy! It's the Neponset Bridge where I used to go over everyday on the way to work and would stare at the sparkling blue water for a moment of peace before I started the day. Well, the whole movie made me feel like such a local...oh North Shore vs. Southie class differences. Funny. Crap, I've been here too damn long. Anyhoo, I had heard a long time ago that Brad Pitt was remaking it and I guess he produced it but didn't act it it. Probably for the best...leave it to Marky Mark and Matt Damon to deliver spot-on Bostonian accents. I think at the beginning of the movie everyone cheered when "Boston" rolled onto the screen. And everyone clapped in the end. Anyways, good stuff...I just hope the Chinese get some credit for coming up with the concept in the first place.

Discontent

Sometimes I just feel like my life is so shitty, even though logically speaking, I know it's not. There's just a couple of things grating me and I just feel so unsettled. I feel like nothing is in order, it's all chaotic and I'm not that much better off now than I was 6 months ago. Thinking positively only gets you so far. When your friends treat you like shit and at the end of the day, you need to drop negative influences in your life...it makes it all very challenging. Ugh, goodness sakes, what am I rambling on about? Discontent. That's pretty much it.

Friday the 13th Fun Fact

"Last year, we had only one Friday the 13th. This year, we have already had one (in January) so this is our second. There will be two next year as well. Statistically, the 13th is slightly more likely to fall on a Friday than on any other day but according to some statisticians, it is LESS likely to be a day of accident... perhaps because the date makes people more inclined to be careful. By the way, in Greece and much of the Spanish speaking world, Friday the 13th bothers nobody - but Tuesday the 13th gives folk the heebie-jeebies!"

-Jonathan Cainer

Frustrations

Some of my friends can be so obtuse sometimes. Ugh. I don't know what's wrong with people. Is it me or am I too understanding? It seems like everyone else is super-judgmental and quick to jump to conclusions. Meanwhile, I'm Ms.Pushover. I'm so sick of it.

I Spy

Miso loves my new Hologram Spy too.

Quote of the Day - 10.12.06

"A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife."

- Anon

Hmmm...I think I would rather live like a man. I love how all my guy friends feign concern and preface the "you're not getting any younger" speech with a disclaimer, "Not to be sexist...but...YOU'RE NOT A MAN!" BUT what? Uh...that's a sexist remark if I've ever heard one! What a load of b.s.! Why can't I live like a guy? Why can't I date younger men? As long as I don't waste ALL of my child-bearing years on losers and end up with one winner, who cares?? Seriously. Same for all of my girlfriends...everyone needs to stop fretting!

Black is Back

Nails Meet Midnight

So noir nails are back in fashion and has been the entire summer. Finally, the NY Times picked up on it. And yes, I scored Chanel's Black Satin from my local mall. I had Kelly pick it up for me and the lady at Lord & Taylor was hesitant to sell it to her, saying it was her "last one" and going on and on about how much in demand it was. Maybe I got it before the big rush if Sarah Michelle Gellar had to steal hers. It's interesting that the article talks about women wearing it to work because I had the exact same dilemma...do I sport my black nails upon meeting my new boss?

"The new blacks appear to be growing in popularity with young professional women who are daring enough to wear it to work, and it is the epitome of chic for night events."

Kelly said it was a bad idea so I decided to stay on the safe side. Anyways, of course, my fashion-backward guy friend didn't get it at all. It took a lot of meticulous care to paint my toenails black and my friend was like, "I'm not a fan."(But then again, he didn't know leopard prints were back in and said my shoes were too "loud") Ugh...he's such a big oaf!

I swear, being trendy in this town is like being a black sheep--no one gets it! (pun intended) Sigh! Well, on the plus side, whatever trendy thing I'm sporting, you can bet no one else around here is whereas in NY, it's like a dime a dozen.

"Zilla Eats" Debuts

I launched a new blog called Zilla Eats and killed my old one, Beauty, Bar None. I figured if I was constantly writing about food anyway, why not just do a food blog? I started by just putting all my food-related entries in one place. I haven't quite thought the whole thing out yet--how to differentiate it and such but I think that will just come with time. In any case, lemme know what y'all think.

Channeling My Inner Stacy

So I met Dr. Robin, Nate Berkus, Martha Beck, and Stacy London at the O! You event. Stacy's session was jam-packed and she came out looking fab in a navy dress and black heels. She started the talk with a discussion on teenage girls today who try to dress too young and how the images portrayed in the media are askew. Everyone was like "amen." After the "serious talk," she walked around the audience answering questions. The girl next to me (I was in the front row) asked what she was wearing. She stood before me and replied, "uh...a dress!" She was a tiny woman, so slim and petite that I was thinking to myself, wow, t.v. really does bulk you up! But she was truly adorable and so personable, answering questions like, "I have a big butt, what should I wear?" or, "I've got huge knockers, how do I hide them?"

After the session, I met her and told her I loved her show and that she always looks so great! She's played it off like it was no big deal and took a look at me and said, "oh, what a great purple on you!" It was my turn to be flattered. Anyways, in case someone is wondering, I did stare at her gorgeous hair and realized...yep, she does have silver streaked highlights in the front. But it was a far far cry from Cruella Deville. I honestly wouldn't have noticed otherwise. =)

Mutant Kitties

Cat Lovers Lining Up for No-Sneeze Kitties

A small California biotech company says it is ready to deliver the Holy Grail of the $35 billion pet industry: a hypoallergenic cat.

Since it announced the project in October 2004, the company, Allerca, of San Diego, says it has received inquiries from people in 85 countries seeking to buy a cat bred so that its glands do not produce the protein responsible for most human cat allergies.

Cats ordered now will take 12 to 15 months for delivery in the United States, 15 to 18 months in Europe. Cost: $4,000. And owners must pass Allerca’s finicky screening tests.


Ohhh...but I would never give up my precious, natural and free kitties for expensive, mutant ones.

I Should Really Get a Discount from This...

Louis Vuitton Tries Modern Methods On Factory Lines

(Wall Street Journal) Louis Vuitton has been busy revamping its manufacturing operations in a bid to become more lean and efficient. The company, along with other luxury goods makers undergoing the same process, has had to invest more in its IT. Several have gone with SAP to help with the process.

Accident

I had a rough weekend. I hit another car. I hadn't slept at all the night before and was in a daze. I knew not sleeping and driving was dangerous so I was trying to be extra careful. But then when I was at the Hess gas station, I let my guard down. Ugh. It was bad because the guy I hit accused me of trying to flee the scene. I got all indignant and started getting all defensive because he was screaming at me. But I apologized profusely and he let it go. I did scrape up his car pretty bad. I'm just glad I didn't get into a worse accident. I think the day that finally happens, I might completely freak out and lose it...that is, if I come out of it ok. Oh well, I almost had a clean record as I celebrated my 1 year driving anniversary, but what can you do?

Happy Moon Festival!

Eat lots of yummy --------------------------->

Smoking Ban In of All Places -- France!!!

I can't believe it but the France Parliament has ruled against smoking in public places! I thought hell would freeze over before that ever happened!

France’s history with tobacco goes back more than four centuries. Nicotine, after all, is named after Jean Nicot, a 16th century ambassador to Portugal who took tobacco leaves imported from America to Catherine de Medici as a cure for her migraines.

About 12 million of the French — about 20 percent of the population — are smokers, according to official government figures, and more than 70,000 people die in France every year from smoking-related illnesses and secondhand smoke.

Smoking remains particularly prevalent and acceptable among young people. French public high schools routinely allow students to smoke during breaks.

Home Sweet Home

I love being at home. It's so good to have my family around and Lynn's next door for me to bother at any hour of the day. I feel sheltered and I feel like any sadness can't really reach me. Mom's always cooking up a storm. I was supposed to have left already but keep staying and Mom's like, "I keep trying to send you off with a farewell feast but you never leave! This is like your third sendoff and I'm outta food!" She's such a cute mom. Lynnie and I started a "Mom journal" detailing all the cute and funny Mom moments we remember so that one day we can look through it and recall what she was like. Most of them involve the kitties (big surprise). She's a kooky lady. So silly. I think I get my silliness from her. Lynn's a good foil for us both because she just cracks up at everything we say. =) Anyways, time for beddy-bye. It's a cool nite and I think I'm going to sleep well.