Leehom as a Kick-ass Revolutionary!

Oh, I can't wait till the release of this film on Friday!!! Woo-hoo. Leehom as an anti-Japanese revolutionary!!! What a hottie! I'll follow you through a war, no problem!!!

Kitty's Evil Plot

Cats Harbor Secret Plan to Turn Us Into Litter-Scooping Robots
By Lore Sjöberg 09.19.07 2:00 AM

One of my cats -- the one that has not yet appeared on I Can Has Cheezburger -- has developed an elaborate routine for getting me up to feed him in the morning. It involves a lot of meowing, jumping on things, knocking things over, and the occasional loud coughing up of hairballs. I can't prove that last bit is intentional, but I'm pretty sure it is.
If I had a real job I wouldn't have to set an alarm clock, but as it is I feel that this is a problem that I must solve, as I solve all my problems, with technology.

The technology in this case is an automatic cat feeder. Most of the automatic feeders on Amazon come with reviews detailing how the cats have managed to work around the DRM (dinner rights management) built into them.

No matter what lies between them and kibble, the cats manage to prod, pull and shove their way to an extra serving. I'm buying one anyway, because I have a Dremel tool, and somehow that convinces me that I can re-engineer the thing to outsmart the one primal urge a cat has left after being sterilized.

I already have an automatic water dispenser for the cats, and I'm thoughtfully eyeing one of those elaborate automatic self-cleaning litter boxes that scoops, flushes and sprays its interior with the delicate scent of live mice, the better to make it not just a litter box, but a space to exist. It occurs to me that with the proper application of money and floor space, you can get machines to take on most of the duties incumbent upon the cat owner.

For instance, any number of electronic cat toys will whip a fuzzy thing around so you can watch Best Week Ever without having to move any part of your body. Better yet, they make actual electronic mice. When I get that time machine working, I'm going to go back to colonial times and explain to a farmer that in the future, we go to the store and buy artificial vermin. I'm sure he'll enjoy thinking about that when he's not busy watching locusts eat his crops or burying his children.

This covers most of the services I provide to my cat, but not all of them. Let's start with the scratching and/or skritching. As far as I can see, this is between my cat and my hand, with very little participation from me. I just kind of stick out my hand and make a repetitive scratching movement, and my cat moves his head and neck around to his liking. I can even do it while playing Warcraft, provided the other people in my group don't mind dying for a cat's pleasure once in a while.

Really, though, there's no reason I couldn't substitute one of those robotic hands scientists build to prove that some day robots will be able to make shadow puppets. Just stick it on a "repetitive scratching motion loop" and the cat can go nuts, assuming he isn't terrified by the whirring and buzzing. On the other hand, fiction teaches us that a) most robots turn evil and b) most severed hands turn evil, so maybe this isn't such a good idea.

After that I only need to build a robotic lap -- I think that's called a "heating pad" -- and some sort of sweeper arm to knock the cat off my desk when he's being pesky, and then I'm set. Modern science has very nearly rendered human beings unnecessary when it comes to the life of a cat.

And you know, I can't back this up biologically, but I somehow suspect this is how the cats planned it all along. Time may prove that, evolutionarily speaking, we are simply a large and complex external cat organ, one given the duty of making itself obsolete.
I think, on some level, we know this. That's why so many stories and movies and TV shows are about robots replacing mankind. I think if you look carefully, somewhere in the corner of their austere mechanical fortresses, you'll see a cat box being scooped.
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Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg eventually overcame these handicaps to become a large and complex external cat organ.

"I Can't, It's Vera Wang!!!"

"I can't, it's Vera Wang!!!" cried Nelson, as he was about to slingshot Ms. Crabapple on her wedding day as she ran out of the church.

That's one of my favorite lines from the Simpsons. ;)

This week was the debut of Simply Vera, Vera Wang's cheap and chic line at Kohl's. Oprah was absolutely in love with her stuff at a discount. It reminded me of all the clothes this season, frumpy sweater coats with black leggings and some satin tops. Don't get me wrong, I like the designs but I swear, fashion these days just is not figure-flattering. Nothing to get excited about.

I do love Vera's dresses though. They are so well-constructed and just plain gorgeous. Simple too...and elegant. Man, I am definitely going to invest in a Vera Wang wedding dress one day. All the boning and structuring underneath is customized to frame and suit your body. The result is unbeatable. Fitting for a dress doesn't just mean trimming the hem, ya know? Anyway, it got me wondering what the astronomical price tag would be and I found this:

How Much Does a Vera Wang Wedding Dress Cost? Vera Wang's Luxe Collection starts at $6,000, with some dresses costing as much as $12,000 or more. However, most of her dresses range from $2000 to $7000. While certainly expensive, it's within the range that many non-celebrity middle-class brides spend on their dresses. If this is still out-of-your budget, look at Vera Wang bisque-colored bridesmaid dresses which start at $200 and run under $1000. Other brides look for her famous sample sales in New York, where one-of-a-kind samples and stock overruns have as much as a 75% discount.

I'm Simpsonized

Emmy Winner: "Dick in a Box"

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box

Just saw the HBO JT Futuresex/Loveshow last night. Here's his best video...