Overcast

The day, of no great merit,
ended — a dandelion gone to seed,
minutes squandered, hours spent,
no bright gold. Yet in the ledgered

plainness of the day, overcast, common,
some subtle brush of meaning
held me. Was it those unexpected
words of thanks, or the single lilac

plunged in a paper cup,
there on a stranger's desk?
Something, a fragrance,
lingered well past dusk.

--Jean L. Connor
A Cartography of Peace

Airplane

I'm not tired one bit. Despite doing all I can to burn off as much energy as possible tonight, I'm still wide awake. I'm in a weird mood. It's like something's amiss and I can't quite put my finger on it. Well, actually I can...it's a number of things.

Let me use a metaphor. It's as if I am an airplane circling around in the sky...going nowhere. At some point, I will run out of gas and will either have to land or refuel. I don't think I'm ready to land anywhere yet though. It's perplexing. Well, we'll see. I know I'm supposed to enjoy the view while I'm up here but frankly, I'm sick of the view. It changes ever so often but it's really all the same scenery. It passes the time, it's entertaining and all that, but so what? To what end? Sigh.

Maybe I'm just in a pensively shitty mood. I hope at least tomorrow is sunny - last weekend it was raining cats and dogs. I need to bottle some sunshine this weekend so that I can release it intermittently throughout the rest of the week.

Waiting to Exhale

Can't wait to go on vacation. I think I need some breathing room...expansive surroundings with open air. Somewhere vastly different from my everyday life. It'll clear my head hopefully and help me escape from the doldrums of daily existence. My vacation policy resolution was a good one. Now it's time to execute on it. Bring on the infinity pools, draped cabanas, and white-washed stone wonders overlooking the Mediterranean. =)

Quote of the Day - 4.28.06

"If we begin with certainties, we
shall end in doubts; but if we
begin with doubts, and are
patient in them, we shall end in
certainties. "

-- Francis Bacon
Irish artist, 1909-1992

Quote of the Day - 4.27.06

"There was a mango lassi machine. As if everyone is entitled to a mango lassi. What kind of world is this? Mango lassi is special, exotic, meant for only those who deserve such a treat. Unless you are at Google, where it's mango lassi madness."

-- A recent visitor marvels at the exotic wonders of Google's Mountain View campus.

...At SAP, we get Coke AND Pepsi! Whoo-hoo!

Me & Chiabear

Quotes of the Day - 4.24.06

“I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self.”
-Maya Angelou

Babies Galore

Boy, finding baby gifts is really difficult. It's an entire sub-culture of diaper genies, Baby Einstein, and trendy diaper bags. You can really spend a bundle on this stuff. But I do love hearing that the baby loves the toy I gave or the book I selected...especially since it likely took me hours to research this stuff. It does warm my heart though. Ahh...the joy of giving. It does seem like babies are popping up everywhere - I guess we're getting to that age.

The other day, we went to Chia's family friend's house for Easter dinner. We played with the two little girls - one was 6 years old and the other 18 months. They really were sweet. It's interesting to watch these emerging personalities. Julie, the big sister loves to cook and could NOT stop laughing at her own joke about filet-o-fish (which she accidentally called souffle-o-fish). I've never seen anyone chuckle endlessly like that. What a riot she was! We had a lot of interesting conversations throughout the evening - mostly about mustard pretzels, easter eggs, and cream puffs. And the baby, Alicia, was so damn smart. (What do you expect with 2 doctors as parents?) Well, she was quite a handful to hold. Very squirmy and pudgey. But she had the cutest outfit on - this pink and green number - with these adorable tights that had ballerina slippers painted around the feet. =)

After we left, Chia made an offhand comment about how good I was with the kids. I was a bit taken aback. Me? Good with kids?? Well, I guess anything's possible. But I actually did really enjoy spending time with them, that's the odd thing. I suppose it's just another thing to look forward to. =)

At Long Last...INFJ

Since I couldn't sleep, I finally took those Myers-Brigg tests. Because I never worked for McKinsey or BCG, I had to take the poor-man's version - the free adapted online one. The results varied a bit depending on which test I took but it looks like I'm definitely an "I" and without doubt an "F." The other two are the variants. But overall, I guess I can live with being an INFJ. Not sure how this impacts my career choice and my team "culture" but I'm sure Mark will be very interested in commenting. ;)

Here's a summary:

Your Type is INFJ

Introverted	Intuitive	Feeling	Judging
Strength of the preferences %
33	12	38	11

• I = moderately expressed introvert
• N = slightly expressed intuitive personality
• F = moderately expressed feeling personality
• J = slightly expressed judging personality

Here's my fave description (tho I'm definitely not claiming to be Gandhi!)

Bon Voyage!

Bye Carrie! Just wanted to wish you luck on your new journey. I'm so proud of you for finally making the move! I'm sad you won't be around anymore! I'll be sure to visit you and James - you guys can give me a proper tour - no Vietnamese Hooter cafes a la Allen. =)

Lost and Found

Man, I love that show "Lost"...sometimes it's just okay but when it's good, it's good. I love the backstory of Jin and Sun. So few shows and movies really depict Asian-Americans. But boy oh, boy do they make Korean guys look bad! Well, the culture is male-dominated and guys can be controlling and domineering over women. (I'm not talking about anyone in particular, so no offense Jerms!) Oh but when Jin is bad - it's not his fault! It's only because he loves Sun! How frustrating to watch! How addictive! Jin & Sun's story is actually really very sweet. I swear, one episode totally made me cry. Oh I'm being so sentimental...but how nice to be stranded on a deserted island so you're given a second chance to love each other right - away from the pressures of the real world. I wish they would do more episodes about them instead of the crazy crap about the hatch and the "others." The show has the potential to descend into X-files retardedness with obscure storylines no one can follow anymore. Eek! Well, just keep showing Jin and Sawyer shirtless on the beach and we're ok. ;)

Indie Flicks

http://www.iffboston.org/

These look pretty cool. Do action flicks indie style have enough budget to make them look cool? Or perhaps it's the lack of budget plus trick camera angles that differentiate them? And can the French do action movies? I really wanna watch District 13!

Edmond looks like it could be a hit or miss. I dunno, a David Mamet work...but William H. Macy always does good.

Has the Virtue of Arrogance Landed?

Hey Jerms, don't get sucked into the cognitive bias of drowning in too many pints and too much hagaas. Also, no spreading of endogenous diseases - keep taking that hydrocodeine. ;) Besides that...hope you had a safe flight. =)

Quote of the Day - 4.19.06

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift."

-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day - 4.18.06

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

-- Helen Keller

Yay!

Here's to the celebration of my 100th post....and it's about some thoroughbred pigs!

Go Baaaaabe!

Pig Olympics

Hundreds of Russians gathered for the first day of the annual "pig Olympics" on Saturday, cheering a field of 12 piglets who competed in three events: pig-racing, pig-swimming and "pigball".

In pigball, contestants chase a sweet-tasting soccer ball around an enclosed arena with their snouts, scoring when the ball goes into a goal.

Alexei Sharshkov, vice-president of the Sport-Pig Federation, which claims 100 members, said the competitors had a happy future ahead of them, win or lose. "They go on to produce a new generation of sport pigs. They don't get eaten," he promised. "How could you eat a competitor who is known around the world?"

Marathon Bandits

"I'm hanging out with the bandits. We are probably about 200 yards from the starting line and haven't moved. They stream in the runners from the side streets ... kind of like a railroad shipping yard.

It's always an interesting mix with the bandits. School cross country and crew teams, people with babies, people in costume, bunch of people running with their dogs. There is a guy wearing a full wedding dress. Would be a challenge to run in that. I'm not wearing a costume and I wasn't allowed to run with the baby, although we just picked up a sweet running stroller called “the bob.” More shocks than an SUV."

- Rob's periodic updates from the Boston Marathon trail...blogged via Blackberry. Oy!

Quote of the Day - 4.17.06

"My wife has cancer -- can you take a picture with her?"

-- My friend, Kelly's small-town "fan," requesting a picture with the local "celeb" anchorwoman.

Regression/Progression

Man, I feel like I'm finally doing all the things I never did before. Things I should have, experiences that I missed, all with an open-mindedness I didn't possess before. It's so liberating in a sense. It's as if I'm 18 again all over and looking at the world wide-eyed. Well, not so wide-eyed, maybe "open-eyed" (or something to that effect). Thursday night I was driving through Times Square at 4am in my own car and it was just surreal. Sure, it was something I should have done...might have done years ago, but the fact is that I didn't. Then last night, I stayed out all night -- had a great time -- feeling like I was my younger self, but somehow more grounded. It's as if I should have gone out every Saturday ages ago but did not. Well, I suppose time's a wastin' and to do all the things I've ever wanted to -- both the frivolous and the meaningful -- I'd better get crackin'.

Quote of the Day - 04.08.06

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly know how far they can really go."

-- T.S. Eliot

Heirlooms

My mom just gave me some jewelry she has but never wears anymore. What I didn't expect were all the stories and history that came with each piece. Some were gifts that my grandmother had given my mom when she graduated high school and then college. Others were wedding gifts. The prettiest was an antique jade ring that I took a liking to which turned out to be somewhat of a family heirloom. My mom said it was from my great-grandmother, passed down to my grandmother and then her. I was impressed because it's not the sort of thing my family is known for but it warmed my heart. Now I get to have it and hopefully my daughter will too. My mom also dug out this gold snake pendant she got me when I was born...I had been looking for it over the years but could not find it and was so glad to see it because I remember she had told me all about it when I was younger. Then she turns to my sister and says "Do you want to see the doggie pendant I got you when you were born?" Lynn replies, "Nah." And my mom responds with, "Good, because I haven't purchased it yet!" Haha. Sucks to be second-born. Well, at least my mom got us both baby rings....which she showed us...tiny little gold rings that barely fit on my pinky. So cute. She said she'd save them for me to give to my kids. It's so nice to sit here and listen to my mom reminisce. You just don't appreciate it until you're an adult I suppose.

Layers of Armor

After some crazy shopping, Kelly and I retired for the night and decided to watch Unfaithful. I had originally watched it with Lynn and the second time was just as engrossing. It is such a well-made film. Not much happens and not much is said but there is so much subtext going on because of the great acting. It'd dare say it's one of my favorite movies because it speaks of ordinary people leading ordinary lives only to suddenly, massively collide into mutual- and self-destruction.

Based on a 1968 French film called “La Femme Infidèle," it is obviously a story of betrayal but more interestingly, it's about breaking points we all have and how little it takes for us to get there and destroy what we know. Lynn made a great point about how she loves that the husband and wife love each other, have a great marriage only to have something like this happen. How scary things like that can "just happen." Diane Lane, who plays Connie commented that one of the opening scenes where the bicycle is just easily blown over by the great gust of wind is a fitting metaphor for what subsequently happens to her.

Richard Gere, who I like more and more remarked:

“I’ve always been interested in the idea that we’re all unknowable to each other. In this case we’re dealing with a normal, recognizable American family that has somehow stopped growing. They’ve settled into something that is very nice and it works for them, but it’s not taking them anyplace forward. It’s not bringing more love; it’s not bringing more intimacy; it’s not bringing more truth. So in their separate ways, these people are discovering some kind of black-hole areas inside themselves. There are levels of intimacy that just aren’t being dealt with between them. We’re all closed up on many levels. We all have layers of armor around us, and I think that’s what we all liked about this story: If we look in the mirror of the movie, we can see ourselves.”

How right he is. We all have many layers and subconsciously choose what we show to the outside world and as well as those who we are close to. On some level, there may be layers that we, ourselves may not even know...these so called, "black-hole areas."

Diane Lane discusses why her character strays: "In a certain way, her relationship with Edward is taken for granted. But I think that what often happens with relationships in the long term is that you stay within the frame of the person that you knew; that you met. And suddenly you may feel that you’re not only that person all the time. We go through changes, and you don’t always realize that until something sparks you to see yourself in a different light. That’s what makes Connie vulnerable.”

This is what makes this movie so palatable and so real. Emotions and changes occur and what happens is that they are mired in doubt--submerged underneath, hidden in layers. I often feel like I am that person, that someone can get through to some layers but not reach others. Perhaps we all protect our innermost core with those "layers of armor" for a reason. Perhaps it's just instinct, whether it's well-reasoned or not.