Insomnia

The best thing for insomnia is to write. Collect your angst and whatever tidbits that are tugging at your mind and deposit it all on a page. Damn, I missed writing on my blog. Good old blog...where I can say a lot of something or a lotta nuthin' at all.

I'm looking at Miso, chin-up...sleeping oblivious to the world. I'm jealous. Why can't I just close my eyes and BOOM...slumber?

I can't believe it's been 3 months since I've moved here. It seems twice as long. Maybe because I've been twice as "active". =) I dunno...something is still missing. I feel like I should be doing something more with my time though. I'm not sure what that is, whether it really is going to get my EMBA or something else more fulfilling...who knows? But I'd better figure it out soon.

Hmmm...so it's a week into turning 30. I think it was a whole lotta griping and worry over nothing. It was a very odd mental hurdle. As soon as I turned 30, I was ok with it. But the month leading up to it, I was fraught with anxiety.

I was reading my horoscope today and there was an interesting entry for Cancer:

We think we want so many things. We create wish-lists full of hope, dreams, desires and details. Yet, actually, we don't want anywhere near as much as we think we want. Indeed, when it really comes down to it, we all of us only ever want one thing. Wisdom. When we have that, we have everything else we require or, at least, we have the way to it... which amounts to the same thing.

I only wish I had the wisdom to know what things to take up and what to leave behind. What to bemoan and what to celebrate. All I know is that fast-forward a bunch of years and life's lessons will have hopefully imparted enough learnings to yield a good amount of that wisdom.

Early Riser

Getting up at 6 am to get to work at 8 am is brutal and goes against every fiber in my body. Yet, its normalcy is strangely calming. As exhausting as my days have been lately, I at least know it's by choice and therefore, not so horrible. I find that I can handle anything as long as it's in my control. It's the factors that are beyond my control that I struggle to find some sage perspective on.

Anyways, I went to the Printing House gym overlooking the Hudson River on Friday morning. I felt nauseated from not sleeping and yet, I managed to get my ass to the gym. Going to the gym at 8 am was a first for me. I expected to see all these trendy West Village people getting pumped up but alas, it was filled with senior citizen types in the morning. I guess that's the sort that get up to exercise. I saw a 60 year old woman looking rather toned and conditioned. Good for her.

Oh, but the views are really nice on the 10th fl overlooking the water. Later around noon, Sheng and I met up for lunch on the promenade at Hudson River Park and ate our sandwich lunches. It was a gorgeous 70 degree day. It felt good to be outside and just getting fresh air. It reminded me of why I came here in the first place.

Later in the evening, I went to BINY for some real Chinese karaoke. It was awesome because they had all these recent Leehom and Jay songs. But the girls I went with were so Chinesey, singing an endless array of Sammi and Faye songs from like a decade ago. Ugh. Even I was getting sick of it. Anyhoo, I thought that place was a good find.

What's amazing is how much you can get done when you get up so early in the morning. I guess that's what normal people do! ;)

Ok, back to my coffee and H&H bagel...

=)

Driving Miss Derwin One Last Time

I was Derwin Didi's chauffeur one last time today as we cruised along the local Quincy roads in the early Spring weather. Sure, there was brief blizzard yesterday evening...which makes you appreciate the sunny day today even more. No Spring for me here though. We had our last meal at good ol' Bertucci's and got our faithful Sporkie pizza. Then we reminisced at Panera. Then the sun set and here I am, putting my belonging in more boxes and waiting for my last day. It's difficult to leave here. I never thought it would be so hard. I feel like this is MY neighborhood. :( Brooklyn just seems so harsh, dirty and unwelcoming for some reason. Sigh. Well, I guess I could always come back to visit. Or not.

Young n' Tall

So I went to the dentist today and this Asian lady was cleaning my teeth. Afterwards she asked me if I just graduated school or was working already. I guffawed. I'm like lady, I'm old! I'm almost 30! She looked at me in shock and said but I look so young! Then she goes "how tall are you?" and I answered 5'7" and she said she was jealous. She says she lies that she's 5'3".

Her comments totally made my day. Little did I know I had all these "advantages." Forever young n' tall, I am. Har har! ;)

Crossing My Fingers

I'm crossing my fingers that my apartment in Brooklyn will look ok and that I won't be like "ugh, I have to live here???" I haven't even seen it yet and I already feel claustrophobic. I think I'm just a little stressed out from thinking about the move. Z asked me if I was excited. I can't say that I am. I kinda feel like it's yet another trip home and that I won't even realize that I've moved back until it's too late! Weird, I know. I'm wishy-washy. That's just how I am. I guess I'll be happy that I've moved there once I actually AM happy...or excited...or whatever emotion I'm supposed to be experiencing right now.

ISTP

So my previous self-administered MBTI test was totally wrong! I just returned from training class and took it again and I am definitely not what I thought I was, a INFJ.

Now it makes much more sense that I am an ISTP (Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving) type. Although I am not strongly an S, I am very much an I, T, and P which means I am also leaning towards INTP.

Purge

Man, I just spent the last couple of hours disassembling my desk and going through my closets in order to pack for my move. My goodness, I never realized what a pack rat I was! I have WAAAAY too much clothing. I mean really, I don’t even wear 80% of what I own. Plus what is all this random crap I own? Do I need 4 teapot sets? Why do I have 20 bottles of nail polish? And forget about the shoes!!! I thought I had already gotten rid of a lot of stuff but boy was I mistaken! I really know how to cram things in those nooks and crannies. It’s very easy to throw away stuff you don’t use but sometimes things have sentimental value attached to them and you keep them for longer than you should. Like old Wharton shirts I have…I got real and thought about it….”hmmm, this tee is nearly 12 years old — that’s a decade plus two years…ok, it’s time to chuck it.” Then I encounter tiny miniskirts I wore with high boots to parties long ago and jeans I will never fit into after years of hoping…sigh. Time to say goodbye. What’s difficult to throw away are the the clothes I associate with certain events. But then again, I’m thinking…do I really want to remember? Probably not anymore…ok, throw it in the goodwill pile. Anyhoo…I’m hoping to have more sense than I’ve had in the past and more discriminating about my space and what takes it up!

Reality Bites

Ever notice that things are NEVER quite as good as you remember them to be? So I’ve been hitting up my list of restaurants to go to before I depart beantown. The rule right now is that Kosin gets to pick all the restaurants and everyone has to agree. So we started with Fugakyu, Vinny Testa, Not Your Average Joe’s, Yasu, Le Petite Robert…and I swear, none of these joints are as good as I had remembered them to be. All of my favorite dishes suck! I’ve since come to realize that it’s not just restaurants either. It applies to everything else in my life! This is some kind of zany universal law. It’s as if I have a distinctly flawed memory for all things I’ve ever regarded positively.

Bye Bye Boston

I’m leaving Boston in three weeks, yet it hardly seems like it. It’s a lot harder to do than I thought it would be. I’m one of those people who gets overly nostalgic. Last night, we drove by my old Longwood Ave apartment by chance…I looked into that courtyard and thought of all the times I crossed that path to that door and I could see right into that tiny little studio where I used to hover over my equally tiny little 13″ t.v. and eat on my flimsy fold-out table. We then passed my beloved Longwood Galleria food court where I used to dine on Sbarro’s and McDonalds after a long day at work. I loved browsing the aisles of the CVS next door, buying anything and everything I ever needed. I even passed by that Green line T stop where I’d shiver on most days waiting for the stupid D line to show up. I also remember taking tranquil tree-lined walks to meet friends at Fugakyu in Coolidge corner. Ahhh…those were the days. When I’d somehow manage without a car. I’d do crazy things like buy furniture at Crate & Barrel and taxi it to my place, lugging each piece inside to assemble it by myself. That seems so long ago.

Then there are the Quincy memories. Trips to South Shore mall and eating at all the suburban chain restaurants. Driving to Randolph and catching the latest flick with all the teenagers. Summers at Marina Bay and enjoying fried seafood along Wollaston Beach. I’ll miss it all.

Eight years is a long time to be in one place. I could’ve finished college twice over. And in some ways it seems like that–like I’ve led several lives while residing here. But I don’t think I have any left over to live. It’s time to start anew. It’s a bit scary, I’ll admit…starting all over again in a new city. I remember the reluctance I had when I first moved here. I think it took about 3 years or so before I finally accepted Boston as my home. It’s very sad for me to say goodbye. Yet I know it must be done. I can’t say I know where I’m really going or what I’m doing…but who really does? I suppose I’ll just have to figure it out along the way.

Blue-collar vs. White-collar Friends

I've come to realize the huge disparity in types of friends and acquaintances I encounter. There's the Penn crowd...snooty, over-educated, free-spending, ambitious sort. Then the high-school and random acquaintances I encounter all the time. Some of these people have never written resumes or are still trying to finish school. It's bizarre when I stop to think about it. It's disconcerting to think that there's only a thin thread of commonality tying me to any of these "friends" sometimes---and I mean both groups. Well, as long as these friends are positive influences in my life then they get a check-mark. =)

Burrrr!!!

OMG, it's soooo cold outside. 20 degrees was the high today! I was thinking, I totally don't mind because I've got Libby. But oh no...we are about to part. I don't wanna sell my beautiful car!!! Shelter, transportation, and freedom - what does it not provide??? Such a difficult decision to make!

Anyways, as Tofie curled up on my lap...I was thinking of the stray black kitty I saw outside my apartment as I pulled into my parking space last week. Wish I could save it from the bitter cold. I've been worrying about that damn cat every time the weather goes awry. =(

10-10-10

Framework for decision-making:

1. What's the consequence of my decision in 10 minutes?
2. ...in 10 months?
3. ...in 10 years?